new girl

I haven't been the new girl since I was 6. When I moved from one elementary school to another. I had to walk into a class full of kids who knew each other. I hated it. I distinctively remember the first day at lunch. I sat down and burst into tears. I remember a girl named Amy asking me why I was crying. I just wanted my mom. This happened several times for the first few months of school.

Even back then I had a hard time adjusting to change.

Until recently I've been in the same circle of friends. I've attended the same church where everyone has known me since I was a kid. It's comforting walking into a building and having people know you.

Enter change. I left my church and my circle of friends. I became the new girl.

Some people thrive on this. I am not one of those. I hate it. With everything in me. I hate it. I hate walking into a room not knowing anyone. It almost becomes physically painful for me. I don't like putting myself out there. Sometimes I would rather become a hermit but that's not the answer either. Because deep down I want to find that new group. Because being lonely sucks.

But as much as I hate being the new girl, it has taught me a lot of lessons. As so I keep going because I can't be the new girl forever.