Growing up, I never really thought much about choice. I just always did what I was told. I don't think I ever thought about doing anything else. I didn't have choice. So as I grew up and started making my own decisions, I never thought I had a choice of what I should do. I would do what I always did. But in doing that, I always got the same results. I didn't want that. But I didn't see any other way.
I saw my life as being predictable. Boring almost. Staying in the same place, working some job to pay the bills, going to the same church, having the same friends. While there isn't bad in that, it's predictable. But for the most part I had resigned myself to that. My life was pretty much in place for me. And I didn't look forward to it. But I didn't know I had a choice to make it different.
Until now.
Right after I met Denise, I started taking a class at church called, Cleansing Stream. Once again, I was introduced into this idea of having a choice. I was blown away. Where had this been my entire life?! I had a choice in how I reacted to others, I had a choice in where I would allow my emotions to run. Insanity I tell you. But with this freedom of choice, came an intense fear of making the wrong choice. Oh dear. (I can be a bit of a perfectionist and a little OCD at times.. just take a look at my 3, yes I said 3, journals)!!!
My new found freedom was met with a new found fear. And I'm not talking about little choices, I'm talking about the big ones. Like, should I move? Where? What kind of job? But I think the biggest choice I have right now in front of me is, Am I going to choose to trust that God's got it in control? He has a plan, His words says so. So will I choose to trust and rest in that? Or will I forge my own road? I have a choice.
But with having choice, I think it comes with a responsiblity to use it wisely. I mean, I've made some pretty bad decisions this year. I've fallen down. But I've learned from the consequences that having choice can be dangerous if you don't choose wisely.
This concept of choice has changed my life dramatically. I have a choice in how I deal with others. I have a choice in what I want to do with life. I have a choice to live abdundently. I have a choice of how I handle myself in tough situations. And I'm not always going to get it right. But I think thats the cool part. Because even if I make the wrong choice there is learning to be had.
So awhile ago, I had an idea. Because this whole choice thing is pretty new to me and I often forget that I have choice in whatever I am doing. So one particularly frustrating night (where I had forgotton all about choice and was in a rather sticky situation) I was laying in my room and it hit me, choice. I'm all about visual reminders. I'm all about having something in my face to remind me what I need to know:
This sign is attached to the mirror of my closet. Everyday I wake up and remember I can be a chooser.As I navtigate the next few weeks of uncertainity and big decisions, I will make the most important choice wisely. I will choose to trust. I will choose to allow God to lead. Wherever. Whenever. And for whatever reason. And I choose to heed the words of D, Choose wisely my friend!
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"I call Heaven and Earth to witness against you today: I place before you Life and Death, Blessing and Curse. Choose life so that you and your children will live. And love God, your God, listening obediently to him, firmly embracing him. Oh yes, he is life itself, a long life settled on the soil that God, your God, promised to give your ancestors, Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob."
Deut. 31: 19-20
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