grandpa

My grandpa.

He turns 92 in June. I spent the morning with him today. We had a good morning. He was calm and pretty coherent, even though we had the same conversation three times :) We had a conversation about why he was still living. He really wants to go see Jesus. He kept asking me why God would keep him here. It was a hard conversation because I often wonder the same thing. I told him there is a reason for everything. God wants him here for some purpose. And for me, I'm beginning to see at least one reason. Grandpa says its because he has to meet and approve of whoever I marry because in his words, I'm becoming an old maid, ha!

Something is happening to my heart through watching my grandpa and gramma. Its hard for me to be with them. It stirs something in my heart. It brings a sensitivity that I haven't felt in a long time. My heart is melting. The more I work on unmasking, the more my heart melts. The outer hard shell that once guarded my heart is slowly fading and this new sensitive heart is coming forth. The heart I had when I was a kid. Somewhere in middle school I turned off my heart, closed the door. But through watching my mom take care of my grandparents and spending time with them as they age and become more dependent on others, my heart is aching. My heart can't be turned off. And for the first time in a long time, I don't want it to be. It's hard, and sometimes I don't feel like I can handle it but I would rather it be hard. I choose to walk through this process of having my heart transformed.

And through Grandpa, I am getting my heart transplant. God's using his present state to effect major change in my life. He does have a purpose. God's not done with him yet.

This just amazes me.