like you

You never said it would be easy, but I didn't know it would be like this. So far, this life of mine isn't what I expected. A year ago, even two, I wouldn't have pictured this. When I look behind me I see the path, covered with tears and hurt and anger left behind. And I'm not sure what I see when I look ahead but in the present I see a life filled with choices and responibilites. Sometimes I want to hide and not do anything. But I know that's not the path you want me to take. You've called me into a place of quiet leadership. I can't hide from the things in front of me.

The decisions I need to make need to be out of maturity and not the current state of which I want things my way. I think I've finally learned that I can't control others. That was a doozy of a lesson. One I struggled with for a long time. I'm stubborn but You already know that. You know my heart.

You are always here but I so often forget. I forget to stop and take notice of Your hand in my life. I forget to stop and think. I forget to stop and pray. I'm sorry that I forget.

I most often see you in nature. In the early morning, I see you in the sun, just as its making its way up in the sky. I feel the warmth of the sun all afternoon through the window at work. And at night, I glance up to the sky and find you again. In the beauty of the stars, I see you. I feel you. I hear you.

I want You to know that I'm trying. I'm trying to walk into the role in which I know You've called me. I want to be a better person. a better daughter. sister. friend. employee. co-worker. aunt. I want to struggle less in doubt and believe more in faith. I want to walk out of current situations knowing that with You I am doing the right thing and with that, I need to let it rest. I just want to be more like You.