mixed emotion

This may look like a bag of trash to you. Or maybe a bag headed to the donation bin. But it's not. It's the first bag packed for me to move out. Not feeling like I wanted to actually pack anything, I started throwing my stuff in bags tonight.

This bag symbolizes a lot for me. It carries a lot of meaning. It brings with it more emotion than I thought it would. I've wanted this more anything ever. More than graduating from college. More than getting a driver's license. Any of the big events. Except maybe my first kiss.. i wouldn't trade that in :) (but that's a story for a different day)

This move is happening fast, as I knew it would. That's how important life things happen for me. But I'm surprised at the mix of emotions I feel. On one hand, I'm off the chain excited. I love where I get to live and I love the people I get to live with. But in my excitement to move out all these years, I never realized exactly what it means to move out. To leave. To learn a different relationship with the people who raised you. It feels weird. I don't feel like I'm really leaving. I just feel like I'm going to house sit but this time all my stuff is going too.

It means adjustment. It means change. It means growth.

And I think I'm finally ready.