unknowing

i prefer structure. i like to know what i'm doing. and i like it to be relatively the same thing everyday. its the way my brain works. in my current state of living, i'm being called into something different. i'm being asked to be in a position without structure. to be able to work with the flow, doing what's asked when it's asked. tasks are vastly different, ranging from filing (which i currently love, thanks to the ipod), securities, front desk, and project after project. in the securities part of my job, i'm being stretched to max capacity. i'm learning so much but still so confused about what it all means. i'm so wishing right now i had paid attention in my finance classes in school but i declared back then that i would never be in a place where i would need it. oh, God's sense of humor is great!!

it has caused much angst as i learn to let go and just do it. i was sitting in the library during my lunch break yesterday, as it is my new favorite sanctuary way from the busyness at work. i was overwhelmed, feeling icky from a week long stomach bug, and very close to tears. and then i read:

"I've picked you. I haven't dropped you.'Don't panic. I'm with you. There's no need to fear for I'm your God.I'll give you strength. I'll help you. I'll hold you steady, keep a firm grip on you." Isaiah 41:10 (message)

i sat in the corner of the library with tears rolling down my face, knowing i would be ok. and knowing that whatever i needed would be given to me. He does give help, He does give strength. i can let go of the intense panicky feelings i get everytime i think about my job and let the truth soak in that i'm ok. and its ok to be unknowing.