summer is over.
how do i continually miss time flying by me? i continually wake up and feel like i've missed months at a time. is it possible?
i am a summer girl. i hate cold. i dread the winter months. something comes and settles over my spirit and soul in the winter that is competely uninvitied but every year comes anyway.
with the realization that summer is over, the thought of living intentionally enters into my mind. if i'm living intentionally would i still feel this way?
this summer hasn't been on my top 5 favorite summers. i had some fun. spent time with friends, visited a few places i've never been. but i've spent so much of my time stressed out and worried about the future. why do i do that? why do i waste such valuable time freaking out, when i could be living life? why do i continue to let life pass me by instead of really living it and enjoying what i have?
this past weekend tops my entire summer. it started out with a lazy friday. spending some time allowing the truth to invade my life. allowing dr. luke's words to penetrate the doubt and confusion. the past few weeks, sleep has done a great job of evading me. it all caught up with me on friday night. i fell alseep and slept a good 11 hours.
waking up saturday morning to a trip up to crabtree falls with my friend, turkey. no words to describe the beauty of creation. something happens to me when i get in nature. i love it. i love spending time outside. sunday was full of fun and friends. i helped a friend paint for a few hours, had a lunch with my family, and took a nap :) then proceeded over to a friends house to hang out and spend the night. monday morning was just spent relaxing and chilling. then followed lunch and the movie the house bunny. which is absolutely hysterical.
i went over to my grandparents house to cook dinner for them. i love my grandparents. they are amazing people. but it breaks my heart to be with them. they're both 91. grandpa is dying. he sleeps most of the day and when he is awake he's mean and wants to die. gramma just wants out. she's the primary caregiver for my grandpa and just needs a break. i cook dinner for them, clean up and spend some time talking and hanging out. but eventually i have to leave. and yesterday was extremely hard.
i go to give grandpa a hug, which is more like me laying my head on his chest b/c he's in a wheelchair and he can't left his arms up to hug. he starts weeping into my hair. which leads me to start crying. he just says over and over, please don't forget me. please always remember me. my heart breaks. gramma being fairly void of ever showing any emotion, tells grandpa to snap out of it. i manage to make it to my car before totally falling apart.
i didn't and still don't have anyway to express what i felt. the intense depth of emotion. i couldn't even pray. i get so angry and have so many questions, but ultimately i will never know the answers to because really only God knows.
so i'm taking it all in.
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